Dear Cupholder...

Cuppy!
Havn't seen you in ages! We really need to catch up some time. I've missed you so much. By that I mean sooooooo much, like a twelve year old girl would write if she was typing this letter. Sorry, my mistake, she would write it like this: Soo0O0Oo()o$@@*^00ooOO \/uC]-[! It really annoys me when people type like that. Good think you don't my oh-so-perfect cupholder of mine.
When we talk, I feel so relaxed and certain of myself. You never tell me that I'm mean, or that I talk too much, and you never complain about me when I don't talk very much, when I let you do all the talking. But even then, you just wait and listen, because you are so patient. When I get angry, and break you, and put mean drinks in you like acid in a spiky cup, you just tolerate it, and never get angry. What would I do without a friend like you? That rhymed. I am the best rhymer in the world.
Cupholder, I hope we can stay friends forever. You are such a good friend. You never yell. You never spit. (Except for that one time...) You never cry on my shoulder. You never cheer me up. Wait, you never do anything at all! You're a bad friend. Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. I don't liek you. I hate you! I never want to see you again. Let's break up! No, I don't want to be friends anymore!
Yours sincerely,
The Windscreen.